1. In the first paragraph, the author answers the question completely by stating a character who is a foil for another character. I thought that she should have stated some of the differences and then showed how those added to the theme of the overall work. The AP grader thought the introduction was perfect though, so maybe I just do not know exactly what answering the entire prompt in a paragraph entails. The rest of the essay was good. It clearly stated points that proved the theses and then used evidence from the text to back them up. It was clear and focused.
2.The next introduction does not seem to answer the prompt at all. It reads like a plot summary to me and it never actually states who is a foil to who and why. Without having this strong thesis to prove, the essay seemed a little wishy washy and I kept going back to try and figure out what the author was trying to prove. In the next few paragraphs the author definitely had some plot summary going on but they did have some good points about how the characters opposing personalities were used to show the theme of the novel.
3. Ah, This essay is just straight up bad. The intro is a complete plot summary until the last sentence when it provides absolutely no explanation or tie in with the theme of the novel. The comparisons between Baba and Hassan mainly focused on random things that did not seem to have any connection to the meaning of the novel. Ample evidence was not provided and the organization of the essay was quite poor.
Nice job summarizing the different essays. I like how to the point your paragraphs were, it was very easy to follow. I don't know if this was a requirement, but you could give the different essays a score and explain why you would give them that score. You could also give some more specific examples like exactly what differences did you want to see?
ReplyDeleteGood job on the summaries! Very succinct and to the point. I might make them just a little longer, if I were you, but they are good. I don't think we were supposed to score them? If we were, I messed that up too. Some more detail overall would be good, and maybe include what book they used. It was just a bit vague. Still, good job!
ReplyDeleteNice job. I liked how you were very concise in your summaries. However, perhaps just for future reference, you could include the title/author. I think that it is okay to have some discrepancies with the AP grader.Also, I wasn't sure if including a score was mandatory or not, (I didn't do that) but that might be a good idea as well.
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